The myth of quality time

There is quality time.  I understand the concept.  A line from a song from the tremendously underrated but superb Chagall Guevara comes to mind. 

           
             Daddy’s gone AWOL, absent without leaving.

So yes, just being there isn’t enough, there is such a thing as quality time and we should be striving for it with our children. 

The issue to me though is that we use it as an excuse for checking out too many other times.  If I just spent twenty great minutes with my kids (“great” as defined by me too often.), that becomes an excuse for checking out for the next 24 hours.  Why?  “Its quality, not quantity.” We’ve heard it so often that we forget what it means and make our own definition.  Being selfish, I then allow myself to spend 23 2/3 quality hours per day on myself or work.  When this becomes a pattern, not an exception, we’ve lost perspective, and our kids are losing dad.  Chagall Guevara continues in their song I referred to above:

I swear if he ever really held me,

they’d have to pry me off with the jaws of life.

“You don’t understand, you don’t know my schedule, my stress.  I have needs too you know.”

I do know.  At least somewhat.  I too am a husband, dad, employee, volunteer.  I also know that our culture teaches us to take care of number one first.  When you had kids, you agreed to give them your best.  They didn’t ask to come into the world, you asked them. 

Lets try to spend a week giving more time, and see how that works.
Here's a clip of Chagall Guevara live in England a few years ago.  Don't listen if you don't like it a little loud and in your face!