Rather than just repeating the same thing to your child over and over regarding conflict resolution:
"Stop that!", "Be nice to him/her", "How would you like it?", etc..., how about trying out teaching them these important skills (tips picked up from the excellent workbook on bullying, No Kidding Abour Bullying by Naomi Drew.? She calls them "willingness skills", as they are skills that must be learned if you are really willing to resolve conflicts. They are:
Compromise
Hear out the other person
Be patient
Ask:
Why is it so important to be willing to work out conflicts?
Which willingness skill is most challenging for you?
How can you work on that?
I know its complex and this is not the answer to all our bullying/conflict problems. But there is certainly something to this. I am determined to give it a shot this week. Who's in?
9 comments:
Always worth a shot. Another thing I've learned with younger children: suggesting specific replacement behaviors rather than sweeping statements. "Be nice" is kind of a general idea; suggesting that the child/person ask someone to join a game, share a treat, etc. often is more effective on the spot. Also, model good behavior as an adult and point it out to kids. "That guy cut in front of me in his car and gave me the finger, but I'm going to ignore him and not get into an argument." etc. (Not the best example, but I'm tired tonite :-) )
Anything is woth a try where bullying is concerned.
Have a great week-end.
Yvonne.
Always try discussion before dictation. I agree with that, but what's a willingness skill?
Very good point, Lizy. That wasn't made clear in the post.
Skills needed to learn in order to be willing to resolve conflict.
Thanks for pointing that out. I guess I should go back and edit that.
Good luck with your guidance. Remember though: Children are little people. All you can hope to do is set a good example and nourish them with kindness.
http://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.com/
I dig this a lot. The concept of "willingness" in conflict resolution is absolutely not just limited to kids. It's a serious life skill, and it can make or break relationships. Asking the questions "Why is willingness important?" and "Which willingness skill is hard for you?" earl on seems to me a great way to get kids actually thinking and responding, rather than just hearing something hammered in (the whole "be nice!" thing - yeah, but what if I don't feel nice? Then the question becomes really meaningful: why is it important to be nice even if I don't feel nice? is a really useful thing for kids - and adults! - to ask themselves!)
Great additional points, Li.
Has anyone read Children Are From Heaven by John Gray?
Wow, what a very interesting content you have there. Every line i read is just like i open a new world. Please post more often,because this is exactly the type of content i want every day. i promise to visit everyday.
Very nice blog and articles. Nice information and I am glad I came across this blog. Keep up the good work.
Post a Comment