Willingness Skills

Rather than just repeating the same thing to your child over and over regarding conflict resolution:
     "Stop that!",      "Be nice to him/her",   "How would you like it?", etc..., how about trying out teaching them these important skills (tips picked up from the excellent workbook on bullying, No Kidding Abour Bullying by Naomi Drew.? She calls them "willingness skills", as they are skills that must be learned if you are really willing to resolve conflicts. They are:
   
      Compromise
       Hear out the other person
       Be patient

Ask:
         Why is it so important to be willing to work out conflicts?
         Which willingness skill is most challenging for you?
         How can you work on that?

I know its complex and this is not the answer to all our bullying/conflict problems. But there is certainly something to this. I am determined to give it a shot this week. Who's in?

Bullyies, Bullied and Bystanders

Once again, this Friday, some thoughts on combating bullying. As per the last few posts, the ideas here come from the book No Kidding About Bullying by Naomi Drew. One of the greatest problems regarding bullying is that there is almost always a silent majority who are doing nothing about the bullying. Experts break down the bullying problem into three groups, Bullies, Bullied, and Bystanders. If the Bystanders would work together to combat the work of the Bully, the problem would be lessened. Just like a mob-mentality quickly grows in a negative sense, an empathetic mentality can also grow when given the tools and awareness of the need.

Here are a few things you suggest to your child as the Bystander

Choose not to join in when other kids are laughing or bullying.
Speak out against unkind words or actions
Say something helpful to the person being picked on
Ask someone who is doing the unkind actions how they would feel if they were being picked on
Ask a person being left out or picked on to join you in an activity
Let an adult know what is going on

And there are likely more. Can you think of other suggestions to give to kids to help them combat bullying?